How To Resist A Heartbreaker Page 12

  He hauled her close, kissed the top of her head, his heat and strength cocooning her.

  She was utterly torn between holding him close and fighting free from his grip. To stay in his heat, and get away from him so she could stop more hurt. She wanted to be alone with her memories and her thoughts. She wanted to scream. To run. To stay. To weep.

  Her throat closed, her belly hurt. God, how her belly hurt—a tight knot of emotion that squeezed and twisted.

  His voice was hard now. ‘My parents sailed off on some second honeymoon trip. They were supposed to be gone a few months, but they never came back. How could they do that? How could they happily leave us with a nanny for so long? How could they go off and die and give us up to strangers?’ He nuzzled closer, took three deep breaths as he calmed down. It seemed like an age before he moved or spoke.

  She wondered if he’d fallen asleep, but no way could anyone rest with such rage surging through him.

  Eventually, he whispered, ‘I’m sorry—you didn’t need to hear all this stuff. You must think I’m crazy. But you could say I got pretty messed up back then. Every child has a right to be loved, right? To be brought up by parents who love them more than anything in the world? Who won’t harm them? Who treasure them? There is no end of hurt, knowing you aren’t wanted.’

  That was when she knew she had to leave.

  She had to walk away and not look back.

  Judging by his intense emotions and his cruel experience, Max would never understand how she’d been able to do what she had. How she’d believed the choices she’d made had been for the best.

  She needed to put space between herself and Max. Had to get out of his life once and for all, and never, ever let him know her story.

  CHAPTER TEN

  ‘HEY, WOULD YOU LOOK at that? I just realised we left my apartment together. At the same time,’ Max whispered, when he approached Gabby at the nurses’ station. All day he’d thought of nothing but having a rerun of last night. As he remembered her legs wrapped round his waist, his grin spread inwards and through him like a light.

  Having opened his heart to her, he felt pretty damned good—like they’d made headway into something important. But he felt disoriented, too, on shaky ground. Like any minute now he’d get the need to run. Far away.

  Trouble was, she seemed a bit subdued. Had been very quiet over breakfast. Uttered hardly a word as he’d dropped her off on the way to his ward round. Had barely managed a kiss. She was probably tired, so he needed to pep her up. ‘Must be a sign.’

  ‘Of what?’ She looked up at him as she wrote patient details on a large whiteboard. Dark circles edged her eyes.

  ‘Good things. I don’t know. You didn’t sneak out. That has to be good, right?’ Watching her buckle slightly as she reached up, he leapt forward. ‘Hey, are you okay?’

  ‘Watch it, Prince Charming.’ She nodded and backed out of his arms. ‘It’s busy and I don’t want anyone to see us like this. I’m fine, it’s just women’s stuff, you know.’

  Ah. He knew not to say a word. Just nodded. Took a step or two out of range. He hadn’t known her long enough or well enough to know how she coped with periods, whether she got PMS, whether she growled like a bad-tempered lioness once a month. Heck, he didn’t know her favourite colour, what she ate for breakfast. Sweet or savoury. Coffee or tea.

  But he looked forward to learning more about her. What he did know was that he couldn’t keep away from her. That she was the first woman ever to hold his attention for more than a few days. Weeks.

  And he sure as hell needed to rein his enthusiasm in. Tiny steps, like she said. ‘Okay, got you. Enough said. I’ve got stuff to do, anyway. I’ll pick you up in thirty minutes or so for the kayak trip. There’s a bunch of us going down to the bay in my car.’

  ‘I don’t think I’m up to it. I’m still feeling grotty.’

  Having been in hibernation way too long, his possessive instinct pushed to centre stage, as it always did whenever Nurse Radley came onto his radar. ‘Do you think you should get it checked out?’

  ‘Being over-protective?’ She threw him a small smile. ‘I’m twenty-five. I’ve been dealing with this stuff a long time. I get heavy periods, that’s why I’m on the Pill—not so I can pick up strange men in bars and have random sex. Right? And now you know way too much about me. I just need a cup of tea, my bed and a hottie.’

  ‘At your service.’ He gave her a low bow, raised his head in time to see the frown. ‘Okay, I get it, not that kind of hottie.’

  ‘You are so up yourself. Now go away and let me work. And I’ll definitely give the kayaking a miss. Can you tell Rach?’

  ‘Tell me about what?’ Rachel wandered over, the expression on her face telling him that their attempts at keeping their liaisons secret were failing. She winked. ‘We have news?’

  ‘Gabby’s not feeling great so she’s going to cry off the trip this arvo.’

  Rachel’s face fell. It was clearly not the kind of news she was anticipating. ‘Not you, too? We’re getting very short on numbers. If we’re not careful we’ll have to cancel altogether.’ Then she seemed to realise how callous that must have sounded. ‘Gosh. Sorry. I mean, if you’re not up to it then we can postpone until next month or something.’

  He watched a flurry of emotions flutter over Gabby’s face. She looked first at Rachel then at Max, then back to Rachel. Absently rubbing her hand across her stomach, she shrugged. ‘Oh, okay, okay. I don’t want to let you all down. I’ll come. But be gentle with me, and bags I get that two-man canoe.’

  *

  Standing at the water’s edge at Okahu Bay, Gabby looked over at the majestic humped-top island. Rangitoto, an extinct volcano now covered in bush, appeared almost close enough to touch. But she knew it would take more than an hour to get over there by kayak. That was on a good day.

  Today was not a good day. She felt strangely light-headed at the thought of expending energy on anything. Her legs didn’t feel strong enough to hold her up, never mind keep her stable on a long paddle across an ocean, and the dragging sensation in her belly had worsened.

  Maybe a workout would help soothe the pain, or at least take her mind off it.

  As long as she kept a reasonable distance from Max. Confused didn’t describe how she felt—more like she’d lost something precious and knew she’d never be able to find it again. Her heart ached for him, but her head knew it was better if she kept him at arm’s length.

  Her attempts at avoiding him were in vain, as usual. Maybe it was time to move on, get a new job somewhere else, a different unit, hospital. A different country. At least then she wouldn’t have to face him every day knowing that things could have been so good.

  Dragging on the lifejacket, she had a weird feeling of dropping. The island blurred, then came back into focus. Then blurred again. Her head pounded and the pain in her stomach stabbed and dragged.

  ‘Looks like it’s you and me in this one.’ Max hauled a double kayak towards the water. ‘Hop in.’

  ‘I was thinking I’d go with Rach or something—you know, sisters doing it for themselves and all that.’ She raised a weak fist.

  ‘I think your sister has other things on her mind.’ He nodded over to where Rachel was climbing into a kayak with Rob from the night shift. She looked very cosy and not the least sisterly. Giggling even. Traitor. Max grinned and handed Gabby a paddle. ‘We’d better be quick or we’ll be the last to set off.’

  ‘And that would be bad, why?’

  ‘Because we’d lose.’

  ‘Is everything a competition to you?’

  ‘You say it like it’s a bad thing.’ Dropping the kayak into the shallows he turned, strode over to her and zipped up her lifejacket. Made sure it was fastened and she would be safe. Damn him. Did he have to be so considerate? Could he not be difficult? Did she have to be turned on by everything he did?

  His fingers ran along the lifejacket, skimming the sides of her breasts. Instinctively they pebbled, anticipating his
touch.

  She edged out of reach. ‘Don’t…’

  ‘What’s all this about? Are you okay?’

  ‘Yes. But I’m uncomfortable with people seeing us like this. And this kind of makes it obvious.’ And too darned hard for her to cope with. Next thing she knew she’d be kissing him in full view of everyone.

  ‘Sure, because they all look totally bound up in our lives, don’t they? We could be naked and they wouldn’t notice.’

  ‘I would.’ Hell, yes. For all the wrong reasons. She loved to see his long sun-kissed lithe legs, his perfect bum, his broad chest. And now she was torturing herself with such delicious images.

  She glanced over at the team. They were jabbering about the trip, pushing off into the sparkling water. Planning their picnic and volcano walk. He was right. No one even seemed to notice that she and Max were in the same hemisphere, let alone same kayak.

  ‘Okay.’ Time to pull on the big girl’s pants again. She would do this one trip. To keep everyone happy and bolster the team. Then she would be honest and open with him. Explain how things could not work—especially in light of what he’d told her of his past and his fervent beliefs. Then they would both be able to move on.

  The trip across the harbour was smooth, the water calm, and the dappled late-afternoon sunlight provided a gentle warmth that was nurturing rather than overwhelming.

  Unlike Maitland One. ‘How easy is it to have sex in one of these things, do you think?’

  She almost dropped the paddle. ‘Impossible. Especially with all the rocking. Don’t go there, Max.’

  ‘That would make it more fun, don’t you think? Living on the brink.’ His voice deepened to that irresistible groan that stoked her inside. ‘You want to try?’

  Yes, please. ‘Max, I’m wedged into a two-foot-wide hole and I’m soaking wet. There’s about fifty metres of water between me and the ground. And…’ She gestured to the flotilla of sailing boats with their white sails fluttering in the wind. ‘There are more sailing boats and kayaks around than America’s Cup week. I do not have sex with an audience.’

  ‘So I take it from that you’re possibly not keen? Wavering maybe?’ His laughter fanned the flames his voice ignited. Damn him. One day she’d look at him and find nothing attractive about him at all. She would. She prayed that day would come soon. Tomorrow? And in that tight navy T-shirt and bright blue boardies, did he have to define sexy, too? The man would look sexy in a paper bag. He kept right on laughing. And stoking. ‘Look, I want to talk to you about something. I do need your help.’

  ‘Oh, yes?’ She tried for nonchalant, wasn’t sure she could ever be nonchalant around him.

  But any call for help and she was there.

  ‘I’ve been nominated for an award at the hospital annual ball and I need a plus-one. How about you come with me?’ he yelled now, as he pulled back effortlessly on the paddles, propelling them fast and furious into the path of another kayaker. He really did want to win. In everything. Thing was, she had trouble denying him, too. But she had to.

  ‘No, thanks.’ She offered him a smile. Firm and fair. And as honest as she could be right now. ‘I can’t. I’ve nothing to wear.’

  ‘You look fine like that.’

  Whacking the paddle onto the surface of the ocean, she sent an arc of water behind her. Hopefully hitting her target. ‘In cut-off denim shorts and an old T-shirt? Yeah, right. Perfect evening wear.’

  ‘You’d look amazing in anything. Hell, you look amazing in nothing.’

  He was making this very hard for her. How was she supposed to tell him it was finished when he said things like that? When he made her feel the things she did? Sexy. Desirable.

  Want flickered around her nerve endings, tripped up her spine, spread to her breasts, her groin. She tried to ignore it, even though it was getting way past troublesome. ‘New charge nurse attends ball in birthday suit—that would get tongues wagging.’ She tutted. ‘I’m sorry, no. But you could advertise in the hospital classifieds. Mr Sexy needs a date. I’m sure you’d get plenty of offers.’

  ‘I don’t want plenty. I want you.’ Even though he was behind her she could feel the swell of his chest. ‘Mr Sexy, eh? Come on, say yes.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Are you sure? Really sure?’ With a jolt he started to rock the kayak from side to side. Faster and faster. Water seeped over the edges. His laughter turned pretend evil. ‘You want to live dangerously?’

  ‘Stop that!’ She laughed as she hit the surface of the sea with the paddle again, hopefully soaking some sense into him. Nausea curled in her stomach. ‘Stop.’

  ‘Not until you say yes.’ He rocked harder. Now water gushed in on one side.

  ‘Stop, or you’ll capsize us.’ And I’ll lose my lunch.

  ‘Then I can save your life too and you’ll be forever in my debt. Dashing hero opportunities abound. Say yes or you’re getting an early bath.’

  Laughing, she gripped the kayak as a mini-tsunami soaked her legs. ‘No.’

  ‘Yes!’

  ‘Ohmygod, yes! If it shuts you up, yes!’ The thought of spending an evening with him in a fancy dress appealed. At the plush Heritage Hotel too. God, how she’d love to walk in somewhere like that on his arm. But she wouldn’t. She’d cry off later, once she’d explained. Right now land was in sight and she didn’t want to have to swim the distance. ‘Now, get me to that shore before I feed you to the plankton.’

  *

  The walk to the summit was planned to take an hour, but judging by the way she stumbled upwards over loose black volcanic rock, Gabby thought it could take a lot longer. Getting purchase on the slippery path proved difficult and took more effort than she thought she had. The route took them deeper into thick bush, where they stopped only briefly to read signs telling the six-hundred-year history of the volcano.

  Gabby hurried forward with the front group. Since coming ashore she’d managed to get herself nestled into the hustle and bustle of the climb and was grateful not to be on the edge with Max. She didn’t trust herself to be alone with him. Before she knew it she’d be agreeing to much more than the awards dinner.

  At a fork in the path an orange arrow signalled an alternate route taking them to the top via lava caves. She hesitated, wanting to see what these amazing-sounding formations must look like. But the rest of the group ploughed ahead, oblivious, the race foremost on their minds.

  She watched their disappearing backs. ‘Hang on! Does anyone want…?’

  ‘I do.’ Max’s voice was like chocolate sauce over ice cream. Melting and thick. And hot.

  ‘But you won’t win the race.’

  ‘Like I care.’

  ‘You mean you would willingly lose?’ Her hands found her hips. ‘You’re really letting the Maitland side down, there.’

  He smiled. ‘I think I already have my prize.’

  Then he was reaching for her hand. Dragging her into the seclusion of one of the larger caves. It was cool and dark and smelt elemental—earthy, sensual. He pulled her in further, his hands circling her waist. Those all-blue Maitland eyes gazed down at her. God, he was divine. And hers for the taking if she wanted. All she had to do was breach that two-inch gap between them.

  She struggled to get away. At least her head did. Her body glued itself to him.

  He ran his tongue over her top lip, slowly. Achingly slowly. ‘Kiss me.’

  ‘What?’ She pressed her hands against his chest, ready to push away. But her fingers curled into the fabric of his T-shirt as if making a stand. We shall not be removed. Excellent, just what she needed—renegade hands. ‘Kiss you, here? You think that’s wise?’

  ‘It’s the wisest thing I’ve ever done. Look…’ He pointed to the thick shrubbery covering the view of the inside of the cave from outside. ‘No one knows, no one cares. Hell, I’m sick of hiding out. I don’t care who knows. And I’m going mad looking at the sway of your backside as you walk up that hill. I’ve got to kiss you. Now.’

  ‘One kiss?’ She could d
o that. One kiss. One final kiss. What harm would it do? ‘Just one.’

  ‘Or two, if you insist.’

  ‘One is fine.’

  ‘Yes, Charge Nurse Radley. And then I’ll claim another later. And another. And another. When we’re on our own. In bed.’

  A tight fist clenched in the pit of her stomach. She wasn’t being honest with him. She shouldn’t be here doing this. But, God, she wanted to. Too much.

  ‘No…listen, Max. We need to talk. We can’t—’

  Before she could find the right words his mouth lowered onto hers. Such a gentle pressure, sweet and soft, suckling her lip. The simple, perfect pleasure of tasting him. He could be so tender yet so strong. So brilliant and yet so endearingly silly, it made her heart ache.

  His tongue danced a slow dance against hers, teasing, enticing. Making her yearn for more. His body told her how much he wanted her. His mouth told her how much he cared. And she hoped she answered him with her response—at least her body was honest.

  She clung to him in the damp darkness, not wanting to let go. He was so powerfully addictive, took her to places that she’d never been to before. Made her heart sing a soft and hopeful song where before it had played a fractured lament.

  For a few beautiful seconds she allowed herself to take what she craved. Before the dumb bass notes in her head told her this was all kinds of foolish.

  Then she managed to find the strength she needed to take a step back, even though the space between them filled with a rush of air that made her feel cold and she wanted to nuzzle back into his heat.

  This had to stop. Insane. Senseless.

  She turned her back, ignoring his hurt and confused look. And shouted back to him in the lightest voice possible, ‘Race you to the top!’

  The roughly hewn path gave way to countless wooden steps, getting steeper and steeper. She began to think it’d never end, and he’d catch her up and ask her a zillion difficult questions. But suddenly a bright blue gap in the bushline announced her arrival at the summit.