A Puppy and a Christmas Proposal Read online

  ‘Sounds just like my mum.’ She sat down on a smart charcoal-grey sofa that had some very un-puppy-friendly pristine white blankets folded up on the arm. The puppy tsunami must have been a big wake-up call for him. ‘I like what you’ve done to the place. You were working in London, though. Why did you come back to live here?’

  He rocked back on his heels and absent-mindedly stroked Button’s back as he talked. ‘It was my dad who suggested it. He was thinking about retiring and wanted someone to take over and asked if I’d ever considered coming home. Home. It hadn’t felt like home for a long time. I’d keep coming back and you weren’t here. Anywhere that didn’t feature you wasn’t my home.’ He swallowed and smiled ruefully. ‘I went through all that and couldn’t have you anyway.’

  ‘Oh, Alex.’ This was getting to the nub of things. Honesty. Finally. Her throat felt raw.

  He shuffled over to sit on the floor by the sofa, tugged off one of her boots and socks and started to massage her toes. ‘I was adrift for a bit after the treatment. I was working in the East End and I just couldn’t settle but felt like I’d been given a second chance and that I had to choose wisely. I needed to leave all those bad memories behind. I wanted to...indulge myself, I guess. I love the hills and the mountains and the fishing and boating. I figured if I hated working here I could move on again. Two years later, I’m still here.’

  She was stuck on imagining him in treatment. She shuddered, suddenly very cold. ‘Was it bad? As bad as Mikey?’

  His hand stilled. ‘Yes. And no. I knew what was to come. I’d walked it all with my cousin.’

  A gruelling treatment regime. Surgery. Chemo. Radiotherapy. But Mikey had had Alex by his side all the way and Alex had done it on his own.

  She wanted to reach out and hold him close but she got the feeling he didn’t want her comfort for what had happened. He’d made his choice and he’d had to live with it. The only physical contact was his hand on her foot. Massaging her toes was something he used to do for her years ago after they’d been hiking and her boots had rubbed. Her mind seemed to be endlessly spinning from the past to the present. So much of her formative years had been spent with him she couldn’t disentangle herself. As he’d been able to do with her. ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there, Alex.’

  He snagged her gaze. His was filled with regret and longing and a plea to forget it all. ‘Beth, please—’

  She reached for him now, clutching him tight against her. ‘No, this isn’t me being angry. This is me being genuinely sorry I wasn’t there. For you. I wish we could rewind and change what happened.’

  ‘Trust me, I wish that too. But you’re here now. That’s enough for me.’

  A beeping made them both jump and, cursing, he pulled his phone from his pocket. ‘The hospital. I’ll just take this.’ He looked at Button, who had stirred at the noise. ‘In the kitchen, so I don’t disturb him.’

  He came back a few minutes later with two glasses of wine that he set on the coffee table, before sitting on the sofa next to her. He looked ashen and shaken and she wasn’t sure whether it was because of the phone call or the memories of his dark days.

  ‘Dennis?’ Her heart thrummed and her gut tightened in readiness for bad news.

  But Alex gave her a small smile. ‘Yes. They called me because I was put down as a contact. They have no next of kin for him.’

  ‘He really is all alone. Poor guy. But still alive?’ The knots in her stomach eased a little. But she still had to reconcile the reason she’d been at the farm in the first place with the sick man in the hospital bed.

  ‘He’s in Intensive Care. They’ve had to amputate his leg. It’s very early days and he’s critical but they think he’ll recover.’

  ‘I don’t suppose he said anything about his dogs and what was making them ill?’

  ‘Nothing. They’ve put him in an induced coma. He won’t be talking for a while.’

  ‘Maybe we’ll never know. I did some Internet searching yesterday and I read about Munchausen by proxy in pet owners and it is a thing. There have been some cases where people have made their animals sick to get attention.’ Just the thought of it made her shudder. ‘I don’t want to say that was what he was doing, but hopefully we’ll get the test results back from the food sample I sent off and we’ll find out. We did good.’

  He picked up his glass and drank. ‘We make a good team. Medically, I mean. In small country places like this it’s good for different health professionals to share information. You probably saved his life. Your trick of getting Meg onto his chest would have kept him warm.’

  ‘He needed something to hang on for and I know that—whatever he’s done or not done to them—he does love his animals.’ She wondered what Alex had had to hold on for. Because it certainly hadn’t been for her. He’d decided to face it on his own. Geez, she couldn’t imagine what torture that would have been. And instead of being angry with him she just felt a huge sense of sadness. And relief that he was here and well.

  ‘And good news that Spike—’ He put his glass on the table. ‘He needs a proper name, Beth. We can’t keep calling him Button and Spike. It’s confusing. It’s confusing me. We need a name everyone can call him, even when he goes to his new place. He needs his own name. Just one, right?’

  Everything was confusing. That she was here in this house, that her foot was snuggled in Alex’s hands. That she couldn’t think of anyone else she’d rather spend the night with watching over a sick puppy. Anyone she’d rather spend the night with. Period. And now they were choosing a for-ever name for a pet they weren’t going to keep. She’d already thought about this. ‘Could we just call him Boy?’

  ‘Is Boy a real name?’

  As he said it the pup’s ears twitched and he raised his head and looked at them. Alex laughed. ‘That’s decided, then. Boy it is. I like it.’

  He took her other foot and pulled the boot off and his hands began their massage magic. For a moment she was lost in the rhythm of his touch. He removed her sock and began massaging her instep, each stroke sending shivers of desire up her legs and arrowing deep in her belly. She lay back and let his fingers explore her toes, her calf and she imagined his fingers higher and the pleasure he could give her. Not just with his fingers...

  And then...and then what?

  ‘What are we doing?’ She pulled her legs up and hugged her knees.

  He growled, his hands splayed as if asking what the actual hell? ‘It’s just feet, Beth.’

  It wasn’t just feet. They both knew damned well it wasn’t about the feet. It was about the contact, about the touching and where it would lead. Not that she didn’t want to go to bed with him, but what then? Would they do the long-distance thing as they’d done at uni? Would they—? Her ricocheting thoughts stalled as his hand ran up her leg, stopping just above her knee. ‘Your jeans are still damp. You have to take them off before you catch cold. I have something you can wear instead. Wait here.’

  He was back in minutes, having changed into some track pants and a clean dry T-shirt, and carrying a pile of freshly laundered clothes. She eyed him suspiciously and laughed. ‘This is the scene in the rom-com movie where you hand me your clothes, I smell your amazing smell and then fall into bed with you, right?’

  Okay, perhaps suspiciously and a little hopefully.

  His eyebrows rose. ‘If that’s what you want. Sure. But, hand on heart, it wasn’t what I was thinking.’

  ‘Oh, no? What were you thinking?’

  He handed her the clothes and sat down next to her. Closer than before. ‘I was wondering if I had enough washing powder for our clothes and then I was calculating if I put the washing machine on now what time the cycle would be finished.’

  ‘Really? So the foot massage wasn’t...?’ She’d been daydreaming about sex when he’d honestly been all about the massage?

  ‘Beth.’ He flashed a smile, his hand back on her leg
. ‘I was hoping you’d go for a shower to warm up, maybe invite me to join you. Then I’d hand you my shirt and you’d slide it on and look even more sexy than you actually do. If that was physically possible.’

  Her mouth went all kinds of dry...and wet. ‘Um, really?’

  ‘And then, later, after we’d eaten oysters and drunk champagne, I’d get to peel it off you and you’d be so overwhelmed by my scent—not my smell. If you were overwhelmed by my smell then I’d have to use more deodorant—’

  She giggled. ‘You don’t need more deodorant. You smell like Alex. I don’t want you to smell like anything else.’

  ‘And then we’d fall into bed.’

  ‘You do want to go to bed with me.’ It wasn’t a question. She just had to say it out loud.

  ‘Yes.’ He put his hand to the back of her head and drew her to him, lowering his mouth to her neck. ‘I have never stopped wanting to go to bed with you, Beth Masters. Not once in eight years. Going to bed with you is at the top of my bucket list. Only, I don’t have oysters. Or champagne. Just this wine.’

  ‘Wine works.’ She’d be gone soon enough, then this would be over. Could they? Should they? Could they put the past behind them? She pressed against him, her hands on the cool cotton covering his taut plane of a stomach, wishing she were running her hands over bare skin. She swallowed hard. ‘We can’t.’

  His mouth moved to her throat and kissed a trail to her collarbone that made her dizzy and heady and frantic for more. ‘You’re going to Glasgow and it’s complicated and your life is there and mine is here and we should be old enough to control our sex drives, right?’

  ‘I mean...’ She could barely breathe for the rush of sensation over her skin, in her body, making her breath ragged. Needy, desperate. ‘We can’t go upstairs and leave Boy here. In case he’s poorly.’

  ‘He’s sleeping now. We can leave him for a few minutes.’

  ‘Is that all it’s going to take?’ She pushed his shoulder, wanting that mouth on hers. Hot damn, how much longer was she going to have to wait? ‘Eight years and I get a few minutes?’

  She couldn’t keep up with the rapid-fire beat of her heart and the deluge of emotions rushing through her. It felt as if all the arguing, the missing him, the raging on the hill had led to this moment. She knew how he kissed; she knew how he made love. Rather, she remembered how he was then. How would he make love now? Would he be more confident? More skilled?

  She wanted to know. Now. She sat up, put her hands on his shoulders and straddled him. She wanted to relearn him. This could be her last chance. Her only chance to be with him. She could do it. Let the embers flare and then douse them when she left to go back to Glasgow. If she didn’t, she’d always regret missing this chance. She was going to do this. She was going to take what she wanted and she was going to walk away with her heart intact. Her eyebrows rose and she nodded towards the sleeping puppy.

  ‘Boy,’ she whispered, testing the viability of the plan.

  The dog didn’t flinch, twitch or move so much as a muscle.

  She turned to Alex, drank him in, a sigh escaping her throat. ‘He’s fast asleep.’

  ‘Good, because he’s far too young to witness this.’ Then he pulled her down to him and crushed her mouth in a scorching kiss.

  This was no relearning; it was taking and giving. It was greedy. Demanding. It was a lifeline of hope, a prayer. And she melted into it. Into him. She felt his hands wrap round her, settling her higher onto his lap. She felt his hardness underneath her and rocked against it, wanting him inside her with a savage need she’d never felt before. His hands skimmed under her still-damp jumper and ripped it from her, then he was palming her breasts through her bra. ‘You have no idea how much I have wanted this. How long I have waited for this. For you.’

  She pressed herself against his erection, tugging at the waistband of his track pants, but he covered her hand with his. ‘Wait.’

  She pulled back, her mouth throbbing from the delicious roughness of his kisses. Was he having second thoughts? ‘What’s wrong?’

  His eyes darted to Boy and he shook his head. ‘I’m getting stage fright. Come on.’

  And with that he slid his arms under her legs and lifted her, powering up the stairs two at a time. He kicked open the master bedroom door and she was momentarily afraid it would be the same as she remembered: all nineteen-eighties flowered curtains and chenille bedspread. But it was decorated in the same chic masculine tones as downstairs with a very modern bed and she breathed. ‘I thought we were going to be having sex in chintz.’

  ‘Kinky too?’ His eyes glittered. ‘Sorry to disappoint.’

  ‘No way, Alex. I’m far from disappointed.’

  ‘And I haven’t even started yet.’ He laid her on the thick cream faux-wool blanket and she felt as if she were sinking into heaven. More so when he unzipped her jeans and slowly peeled them from her. Her breath hitched as he climbed onto the bed, crawling over her body until his mouth was on hers again, stealing more hot kisses as he unclipped her bra.

  Her thoughts blurred as he slid cool fingers over her nipples, his playful demeanour slipping into something serious. He looked at her as if she were a goddess, as if the pleasure was all his and he couldn’t quite believe his luck. ‘You’ve grown into one hell of a woman, Beth.’

  He lowered his mouth and licked her nipple, making her moan in desperation and delight. He teased her by pulling his mouth away, making her cry out in desperation for more. Then he lavished both breasts with kisses until her thoughts fled and she could only feel. His touch. His mouth. The way every part of her body strained for him.

  Rising up on her knees, she slid his trousers and then boxers over strong muscular thighs, releasing his erection. He groaned as she took him in her hand and looked down at the man he’d become. Half cautious, half curious.

  ‘I...?’ She didn’t know what she’d thought. Maybe that he’d look different. But he was all there.

  He took her hand and brought her to face him. ‘Amazing what they can do.’

  ‘Amazing indeed.’ She went to reach for him again, but he flipped her on her back and kissed a trail of wet kisses down her abdomen. She writhed against him, anticipation of his tongue at her core making her crazy with need. He parted her legs and slipped his fingers deep and she clenched around them, fighting the rising release. But when she felt the scorching heat of his mouth against her nub and his fingers sliding she knew the fight was lost. Losing hold of her control, she sobbed out, ‘Alex. I need... I need you.’

  Not just this, but everything. She needed his strength. She needed his kisses. She needed him. Now and always.

  ‘I need you too. You have no idea.’ He gripped her tight as she shuddered against him, his hair in her fingers, his name on her lips. Alex. Alex. Alex. So many times she’d dreamt about this, believing it could never happen again. And here he was. Wrapped around her, clutching her tight against him as if she were his everything.

  But it wasn’t enough. She wanted him inside her, on her. With her. She tugged him up to her and kissed him hard, stroking his length. He groaned into her mouth. ‘Wait. Slow down.’

  No. ‘I’m done waiting. I’ve waited too long.’

  ‘Condom.’ His hand flailed out to the drawer in the cabinet by the bed and he grabbed a foil.

  ‘I thought...?’ She watched him slide it on, confused. Desperate. Not wanting to think about anything except the next minute. She didn’t know what she thought. Good. Condom. Good.

  He laid her back on the fur and positioned himself at her entrance. His eyes blazed his truth, the same truth in her heart. The same truth she’d carried for over a decade. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘More than anything.’ She shifted beneath him, shocked and exhilarated at the feel of him against her. She wrapped her legs around him as he slid deep into her. At the first thrust he inhaled sharply, closed his eyes
as if in prayer, whispering, ‘Beth. My Beth.’

  He smoothed her hair back and kissed her with such urgency she thought her heart might stop. He thrust again. And again, holding her hands above her head. ‘I want to see you. I have missed you so much. My Beth. My beautiful Beth.’

  She’d planned to do this and keep her heart intact. She wasn’t going to let him have any of it. But it was too late. She bit back a sob, but couldn’t stop the tears pricking her eyes. He was the beautiful one. He was divine; he was hers. It was the same. It was different. It was a new stamp on her heart. A soft bruise on her soul. An ache that would never be fully satisfied.

  She arched and encouraged him deeper, learning what he liked now. Learning what made him groan with pleasure. And in return he teased and tormented, his rhythm tantalisingly slow then deep, then fast, and with each new stroke her heart accepted him more, her body shaped herself to him.

  He wiped the tears from her cheek, pressed his mouth to each one, a sound in his throat equal to hers. A sob. A cry. Then his rhythm increased and he thrust fast and deep. Wild. Untamed. The grief and the need and the ache of eight long years written on his face, in his pace. She sat up and pulled him to sit facing her, wrapped her legs around his hips, gripping his shoulders so he could go deeper still. The intensity was like nothing else she’d ever experienced. His eyes locked onto hers, his fist wound into her hair. She let the tears flow freely, couldn’t stop them when he called her name into the dark and shuddered against her, his loss of control stoking hers. They grasped, kissed, clung to each other as release bonded them closer. Tighter.

  For ever.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  ‘THAT WAS AMAZING.’

  Beth peeled herself away and lay, breathless, on his bed. Alex felt the damp of her tears as they dried on his clavicle. ‘Amazing’ didn’t get near to describing how it felt. She’d brought light into his life, she’d pushed against his barriers, she’d made him feel, made him want. Made his heart ache.