Something Beginning With Mistletoe (Something Borrowed Book 3) Page 16

  Blake’s eyebrows rose. ‘Families, eh? Who’d have them?’

  ‘That poor kid is getting dizzy listening to her mother and father argue back and forth. They need to put her first. Because if they don’t she’ll…’ Faith pressed her lips together reliving the pain of being an emotional punchbag. She’d said too much, again. But this needed saying, so he could protect the children. ‘Because it hurts badly otherwise.’

  ‘I know. I know you had that, Faith. And I’m so sorry.’ He nodded, slowly, then cupped her cheek. ‘I’m sorry it spoiled the day. I’ll do my damnedest to make sure they don’t get caught up in the fallout.’

  And he would, she knew. He’d support those kids and his brother and make sure he protected them from further hurt.

  He dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out a small square box. ‘I have something I hope will make things a little better.’

  What?

  A velvet box. Her body trembled. What did this mean? Her heart drummed out a fast tattoo. ‘What? What’s this?’

  Please don’t. Please don’t. She felt crowded out, suddenly exhausted. Please don’t.

  But he was smiling. Snow fell on his shoulders, he lifted his mouth and caught a flake on his tongue. Laughed. Oblivious to the way her heart was hammering and the panic that seemed to be beyond physical. ‘Open it.’

  She couldn’t. She didn’t want to think about what may be inside. ‘We said no presents.’

  The smile was still there, along with hope in those gorgeous warm eyes. ‘I couldn’t help myself.’

  ‘Now I feel bad, I didn’t get you anything.’

  He ran a thumb over her lip. ‘You’ve given me so much already.’

  ‘Blake—’ It was a warning, a plea. A prayer.

  Taking the box gently from her hand he flipped the lid and showed her. Two perfect diamond solitaires twinkled in the streetlight. ‘Earrings.’

  She blew out a long breath. ‘Wow. They’re beautiful.’

  ‘Like you.’ He pressed a kiss to her cheek and her eyes fluttered closed as she welcomed sweet relief. And also…also a little regret at her initial reaction. Because maybe a part of her truly did hope. Maybe a small part of her did believe in the magic. Wanted to.

  Then he was pulling away and taking her hand. ‘Oh. There is a ring that goes with it. For this finger.’

  Her ring finger. She pulled her hand out of his grip. ‘Blake—’

  ‘If you want it. I didn’t buy it, because I didn’t want to choose for you. Earrings are easy, an engagement ring is something altogether different. I think the woman should choose, don’t you?’

  Tears blurred her eyes. Not tears of happiness, but of confusion. Wistfulness. Hope. Pain. ‘Engagement? But Blake—’

  ‘I love you.’

  She gasped. Ice filled her lungs, stopped her breath. The snow was falling heavier now. Thick flakes sticking to her clothes, her eyelashes. It was a muffler of sound, but not of pain.

  Love.

  He loved her? He couldn’t, it was crazy. She didn’t want a relationship, had she not told him that? ‘You can’t.’

  ‘It’s been a whirlwind, I know, but I want to marry you, Faith. I have never felt this way about anyone or anything before.’ His arm was round her shoulders now, cradling her. ‘I love you.’

  She couldn’t move. Couldn’t think. ‘How do you know?’

  ‘I just do. I know it in here. I feel it here.’ He touched his heart. ‘That’s enough. What we have is precious. A once in a lifetime thing, and I want to spend that lifetime with you.’

  His life, that was so completely different to hers. They had nothing in common and yet everything had fallen into place. And she’d fought it. She looked over to his apartment, the reflection of the lights dancing across the walls, and something inside her crumpled.

  Daisy’s tear-stained face appeared at the window, her hand against the glass. Faith’s heart nearly broke. She’d been that little girl, she’d waited and cried herself to sleep. She’d prayed and prayed for someone to love her. To have the magic that everyone around her seemed to have without even trying.

  She looked back at her pub and her throat filled. Someone had loved her. Her Gramps had taken her in and given her a few wonderful years. She’d finally allowed herself to relax and believed the magic. And then he died, and she didn’t think she’d ever get over losing him.

  Because the magic wasn’t real. If she lost Blake and his family she didn’t know if she’d survive. Better not to even take that step. She wouldn’t let herself love him. That was all. She was brave and bold, she could do that and save them a whole lot of hurt.

  She looked up at those soulful eyes and took a deep breath. ‘I’m overwhelmed. Thank you. But no. I can’t do this.’

  He took a step back. ‘You won’t even think about it? Take a chance? Take a risk?’

  She put her hand to his face. ‘You know me, I don’t take risks.’

  ‘You can. You just have to believe. I know you’re scared, but we can do this.’

  ‘No, Blake.’ She pushed the key into her front door lock. ‘No, we can’t.’

  ***

  Blake watched as she closed the pub door, taking his heart and hope with her.

  For one second he thought about battering the door down and making her see sense. But she was as stubborn as he was, and the more he pushed the more she’d push back.

  He kicked up the damned snow as he walked back across the road and sat down on a step.

  What a fool he’d been, rushing her when he knew she was intimacy-shy, when she fought and yet craved the same things. But as the mood had changed over the afternoon he’d felt her slipping further and further away. Desperation made a man do ill-advised things, and love had made him break all his rules.

  Despite all his own warnings, he’d got as involved as anyone could get, allowing her into his heart and under his skin.

  He’d fallen in love with her. Plain and simple. Although there was nothing simple about it. It was complicated and messy and fun and sexy. It was Faith.

  He’d played the wrong hand and lost her. Not such a damned Happy Christmas, after all.

  Chapter 13

  ‘So you’re going to sit in here and lick your wounds while the clock ticks over into next year? Is that right?’ Jenna was being particularly gnarly this evening and it was starting to make Faith a little edgy. ‘New Year’s Eve and there’s not one bit of joy in this place, Faith Langley. The music’s a dirge and you’ve got so much perma-scowl you’re going to have to have Botox on a weekly basis before long.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ Faith growled. Her last nerve was starting to fray. And it was none of their faults, she just wasn’t in a party mood today. Any day, really.

  ‘Are you sure you’re not coming over to Ginspiration? Did you get the invitation? He’s promised a huge party and we have five minutes before the countdown.’

  Go to Blake’s place? Face him again after literally shutting the door on him? Hell, every part of her responded to his name, but the sensible brain part knew it was no good. She’d overstepped and overreached there and it was a good thing she’d broken it off.

  A. Good. Thing.

  If only her heart believed it. ‘Yes, I got it. I think everyone in the neighbourhood did, and that’s why there’s only the waifs and strays in here. And no, I’m not going. I have my own pub to run, thank you.’

  Who cared what damned day it was? The sooner tonight was over the sooner they’d be in another new year and she could tear the decorations down.

  A fresh start.

  She looked at the tree and blinked back tears as too many memories tumbled through her. Mainly Blake. All Blake.

  Truth was, she missed him. She didn’t think it would be possible to miss someone as much as this, a physical hurt that dogged her movements and made her thoughts blurred and sluggish. A constant craving to catch a glimpse of him. The lift of her heart the day he took the wrapping off his bar and she saw what he’d achieved. The
pride.

  The pain when she’d found flowers from him on Boxing Day and his text: Hope you’re okay today. I’m here if you need me. Love always xx

  The flowers were still in the vase behind the bar, wilted and drooping and losing little flecks of stamen powder onto the lovely dark wood. But she didn’t have the heart to throw them away.

  Love always.

  She swallowed, but the lump was still there.

  Jenna flicked her thumb towards the little group of friends starting to stand up and grab their things. ‘Okay, we’ll all just stay here then and see the new year in with you. Four minutes, better get the champagne ready.’

  God, the pressure. ‘But you’ve been wanting to go over there for months. Go. I’m going to be fine.’

  ‘We’re your friends, Faith. We’ll stick with you. We can go there another day.’ Jenna smiled gently, reached out and pushed Faith’s fringe back. ‘But if you carry on being so glum and grumpy…I may need to do an intervention.’

  Patty shuddered into his pint. ‘God help us all. Someone please stop her. She’s always meddling in other people’s business. Next thing, it’ll be me. I don’t want a relationship, Jenna, for the record. Just sex.’

  She laughed. ‘No fear. I do not want to meddle with you, Patrick.’

  Billy laughed. ‘Looks like you’re in the firing line, Faith. Take cover, quick.’

  And Faith couldn’t help laughing. ‘Jenna, I’m perfectly fine. Give me a few weeks and I’ll bounce back.’

  ‘You bounced better when you were with him.’

  Faith laughed some more. Yes, she had definitely been a much brighter person to be around for a few weeks. ‘But you know me, I’m a practical person, a realist. I know that kind of intensity doesn’t last. I know that you get moved on when something better comes along, and I’m not into all those empty promises people make, especially if I know nothing will come of it in the end.’

  ‘Nothing will come of it if you don’t give it a chance. I understand you’re scared, Faith. You want to be big and brave and independent. You want to build walls so high no one can get in because having your heart broken again is too much to risk. I know. I’ve been there.’ Jenna looked over at Nick and waved, clearly truly, deeply and madly in love with him. She’d fought it, but it had been too strong for her to fight in the end. ‘It’s hard to let go of that, but sometimes you just have to.’

  There was a little flutter in Faith’s heart, which she tried to ignore. ‘What if it doesn’t work out?’

  Jenna’s hand sat on her hip and she threw her ace. ‘And what if it does?’

  Good point. What if it did last? What if they did make it? People did, all the time. People opened their hearts and took risks and fell in love.

  She looked around her little pub. Jenna and Nick. Chloe and Vaughn. Saskia and Kat from the book group. God, she knew she loved these people. Her people. And she’d do anything for them. Even Old Billy and Patty. Not one of them a blood relation, but all of them family. All of them came to her pub on Boxing Day and drank whisky in memory of Gramps. All of them had kissed her cheek and wished her well.

  Sure, her heart swam as she looked at them. But it didn’t quicken. It didn’t crave their touch or their warmth. Or their kisses.

  All of them wanted the best for her, so what if Jenna was right? ‘The worst thing is having him here on this street, always there, but never in reach, you know? I’m doomed to spend the rest of my life seeing what I’ve given up every day.’

  Jenna’s face lit up. ‘Faith Langley, you love him. You really do love him.’

  ‘I…’ Loving him was the worst thing she could do. Giving up her heart to risk it being shattered. But it was already breaking. Life wasn’t better without him. Surviving wasn’t as good as living. Loving.

  If loving meant happy sex, a deep warm feeling, comfort and excitement. Longing. Such longing. Then yes, she loved him.

  Truly, she loved him. Deeply. Heart and soul. She couldn’t deny it any longer.

  ‘Yes, I do. I love him.’ She put her head in her hands. ‘God, what have I done?’

  ‘Other than make you both pretty damned miserable, nothing much.’

  ‘Shit. What a mistake. I’m the queen of bloody mistakes.’

  ‘Yes.’ Jenna made excited fists. ‘So what are you going to do about it?’

  ***

  ‘Great night! This place is rocking.’ Behind the crowded bar, Brad squeezed past Blake, carrying three pints. He grinned and nodded his head in time with the music. He seemed so much happier working here and not having to worry about finances so much.

  And, his blow up on Christmas Day had made his ex see how much she’d been hurting the kids and she’d dashed over and they’d talked. Things weren’t necessarily harmonious, but they at least had a plan for custody that they were all happy with.

  Geez, Blake mused. At least one of our lives is working out. Finally.

  ‘Got the champagne ready?’ He looked round the room at the mass of laughing, dancing people. It wasn’t all bad news. The vibe was hyped. With his brother’s help this was going to be a huge success, he could feel it. Something bloomed in his solar plexus. And then extinguished again as he glanced over to the pub. Complete darkness.

  Where was she? She hadn’t come over here and she clearly hadn’t stayed up until midnight. She hadn’t texted or called. Hadn’t popped over. Hadn’t come back to him. And it was killing him being so close to her and yet out of reach.

  Damn it. He didn’t want to be here and bring the mood down. He didn’t want to be here at all. He wanted to be there. He wanted to be there all the damned time.

  Maybe. Maybe if he tried to talk to her. One more time. Resolution made him bold. Hell, yes. He’d go over there and talk to her. This time he was going to take it slow. One more chance.

  He quickly grabbed his coat. Ever the optimist. Nodded at his brother. ‘I’m just popping out.’

  ‘Ten!’

  ‘About time too. I’m sick of seeing your hangdog face.’ Brad grinned. ‘But you’re going to miss the big finish.’

  He didn’t care about any of that. He didn’t care about anything other than Faith. ‘I’m hoping to have a new beginning. Don’t wait up.’

  ‘Nine!’

  ‘Good luck, you….’ The rest of his brother’s words were muffled by the chants.

  ‘Eight!’

  ‘Seven!’

  Blake tried to squeeze his way through the crowd, but every time he made eye contact he had to stop, say hello.

  ‘Six!’

  Then his eyes connected with aqua blue ones and his heart stopped. ‘Faith?’

  A half smile, cautious. A bitten lip. He made her nervous, and he hated that.

  ‘We’ve come to join the fun. Is that okay?’

  We? Behind her trailed the woman from the florist and her sister, the wedding planner, other friends he hadn’t met—yet—and the two permanent fixtures in her pub, Bill and Ben or something.

  ‘Great. Great.’ More than bloody great. He didn’t want to imagine why she was here, but something fierce lit up in his chest.

  He must have missed the last counts because the next thing he knew the room was alight with cheers and all around them people were kissing and hugging. And she was here and she was smiling.

  The noise zoned out of focus and all he could see were her eyes. Her mouth. He put out his hand, hoping, but not hopeful.

  She shook her head and hope fizzled. ‘Come outside. We need to talk.’

  All he wanted to do was kiss her but talking was a close second. Wary, he followed her outside. And waited.

  She sat down on his step and tugged him down next to her. The first touch of her hand, and it sent shockwaves through him. He would never get over her. Never stop loving her. ‘Blake, this time I was the idiot.’

  He nodded. ‘Yes.’

  She nudged him. ‘You don’t have to agree.’

  He pointed to his nineteen-twenties suit and kipper tie. Embracing
the vibe. First night, and all that. ‘Hey, you turned me down. I’m a good catch.’

  ‘And modest, too.’ She smiled, but it wasn’t her full-on smile. Just another small, difficult one, that sent his heart into free fall. What the hell was she going to say?

  He cut the politeness, because it was time for honesty. ‘Faith, what do you want to say to me?’

  She took a deep breath and took his hand. ‘I’m scared, Blake. I’m so scared I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.’

  ‘Currently, you’re breaking my heart. But I’m open to a change of circumstances any time soon.’

  Another deep breath. This was a big deal.

  ‘You were right. I tried not to get involved and wanted you at arm’s length. I was so angry and hurt for a long time, it was easier to push people away, so that’s what I did. I pushed you away. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry. I think I love you.’ Judging by the look in her eyes, it was the worse thing she could ever do.

  She loved him.

  Whoa. His heart was slowly recovering, but pretty confused. ‘But that’s a good thing, yes?’

  ‘Yes.’ She didn’t look convinced.

  Yes. Breathing was becoming difficult. ‘So you want to…take things slow?’

  ‘No. I want to marry you.’ She nodded. Pressed her lips together. Eyes bright and hopeful.

  I want to marry you.

  ‘It’s okay, we don’t need to rush. I need you to be sure, Faith. I’ve been down this road before. I don’t want…’ Geez, now he was the one putting up barriers, but he didn’t want another failed marriage. He wanted her all in. He wasn’t going to allow anything other than all or nothing. He could get over nothing, eventually. He just couldn’t get over loving her and not having some of that back. ‘I need you to be sure, because I can’t deal with you walking away again.’

  She nodded slowly. ‘I am sure.’

  No. He’d heard this before. He’d even said those words and it had ended in disaster. ‘We can just date. No commitments. Take it slow. As slow as you like. I’ll rehome my toothbrush. Just don’t say something you don’t mean.’

  ‘I mean every word. And the toothbrush can stay.’ She squeezed his hand. This time her smile was all Faith. ‘Blake Delacourte, will you please ask me what you asked me on Christmas Day?’